ARC's 1st Law: As a "progressive" online discussion grows longer, the probability of a nefarious reference to Karl Rove approaches one

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Stupid. It hurts!

How stupid do you have to be to think that flying a massive 747 low over the skyscrapers of New York City would not cause a panic?

Apparently, stupid enough to also think that you're prepared for the presidency based on your prior experience as a community organizer.

Of course, we all know why Obama decided to get the photo op of Air Force One updated. The one of it near Mount Rushmore just wouldn't do, you know?

He just wanted to have a more exciting picture to use for his acceptance speech for being theWinner of the Iowahawk Earth Week Virtual Cruise-In.

And the Winner Is...

Yow! Despite tough economic times, 2009 saw the biggest Iowahawk Earth Week Virtual Cruise ever. The 4th annual edition attracted over 60 contestants from every corner of America, plus Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Korea, Dubai, Qatar, and Iraq; in total almost 100 beautiful carbon spewing conveyances of every type, pushing out an estimated total 200,000 horsepower and over Five Million (?!) climate-soothing foot-pounds of torque. Best yet, those 100 green machines totaled nearly 500 miles per gallon -- now that's efficiency!

The downside of all this, of course, is the difficulty it poses for the Grand Prize Selection Jury. All of the entries were worthy in their own way. If we were to go by the objective fuel consumption numbers, the 1600 gallons / minute Wartsila-Sulzer would win handily.
Yet, neither of those yardsticks captures the true spirit of the Cruise, which is really about attitude. It's that menacing glimmer that warns Gaia: my pimp hand is strong. The sassy insouciance that invites the moralist biddies and prim religious scolds of the green movement to Kiss. My. Ass.

Luckily, there was one last minute entry which exemplified that spirit more than any other, perhaps in the entire history of the cruise. And thus I am please to announce the unanimous 2009 Iowahawk Earth Week Virtual Cruise-In Grand Champion Carbonator is:

New champ pops down to Whole Foods in the family SUV to pick up some free range arugula

Although he did not submit an entry of his own, President Obama was nominated by several admiring Iowahawk readers. Sure, his customized Boeing Air Force One only gulps about as much fuel as a typical Earth Week Cruise-In vehicle, but, by golly, the Carbonator-in-Chief knows how to burn it with panache. The feat that cinched the coveted Carbon Obelisk of Excellence for the Prez: taking a joy ride to Newton, Iowa on Earth Day to deliver a lecture on energy conservation. (h/t: Instadude). No word on whether he cruised over to Maid-Rite for a root beer and parking lot burnouts.

The sheer, mindboggling nerve it took to pull off a eco-prank like that simply shames anything I've ever accomplished, and I daresay the same goes for you. And here's the best part: most of the clueless ecoweenie marks still don't realize they've been punked! Now that's what I call "The Audacity of Carbon."

Well done, Mr. President, and congratulations. On behalf of the readers, creditors, and fuel suppliers of Iowahawk, here's hoping you will wear your crown with pride!
It is hilarious that while Barry is pushing to tax energy out of our lives, his massive jet is flying circles around New York City at high speed, killing the planet & sending New Yorkers into a panic for a photo op! No doubt NYC air traffic control had to delay flights to Newark, Laguardia, and JFK during the photo op.

I know, I know... let's move on.

Your Co-Conspirator,
ARC: St Wendeler

Comments (4)
Brian said...

One note aside, ATC probably didn't have to delay anything too much, since to them it was just another 747.

They just vectored things around. And it was lower than most of the airline traffic. You only need 500 feet separation vertically.

penisvergr├Â├čerung said...

Yes that really was surprisingly stupid!

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Puh-ray-zuh Gawwwd!!!!
that filthy tranny is gone
(and homo'BOMBa).
But, yet, here's the perennial KOO D'TAH:
who else has actually SEEN the Great Beyond in spirit and wiseabove to Seventh-Heaven...???

Follow us home Upstairs.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...
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