ARC's 1st Law: As a "progressive" online discussion grows longer, the probability of a nefarious reference to Karl Rove approaches one

Sunday, June 17, 2007

A Consensus Among Fourth Graders in Maine

The Facts Are InTM. I mean, only Holocaust Deniers would dare challenge the Consensus of Scientists Fourth Graders, right?

And when I think of research that potentially requires a radical redesign of our economic, political, scientific, and sociological foundations, these are the people that I want performing that research.

This article is sad and hilarious at the same time. A fourth grade class in Maine did "research" on global warming and has concluded that we must act now. Here's the article in full, with my comments throughout:

Pending doom: Global warming crisis
A group of fourth-graders in Portland creates a list of priorities to stop global warming.
June 14, 2007

Our school study of global warming started with lots of questions. What is global warming? What is happening now? What might happen in the future? What can each of us do to help? Why should we care? What will the future look like?

Why does the weird kid in the corner of the class still eat glue? What time is recess? These are also the burning questions in our mind...
A small group of students at our school has been researching and studying the effects of global warming. The evidence and data we collected is so overwhelming that we have decided to write about this issue.

Did this select group of fourth graders actually perform primary research? That seems to be the implication, but we all know that the evidence and data that they collected is nothing more than a classroom guide to the Church of Algore. I also highly doubt that the fourth graders were pouring through the UNIPCC's various reports over the past decade - even the summaries will bore you to death.
We want everyone to help curb Global warming. It truly means that the Earth is getting warmer. The ocean is warming at such an alarming rate that the continents are in danger.

Such a warming of the ocean is fuel for more severe hurricanes such as Katrina. Katrina was only a Category 1 storm when it crossed Florida. It became a monster storm by feeding off the extremely warm water in the Gulf of Mexico.

And, apparently they've not limited their research to actual science, but have decided to include the latest in Katrina alarmism. And, do they really mean that continents are in danger? I mean, given worst case scenarios, some cities could be in danger - but continents?
Not just the ocean temperature, but also the overall temperature on the planet is rising to dangerous levels.

The 10 "hottest" average years on record have occurred within the last 14 years. We continue to see record carbon dixoide [sic] levels in the atmosphere year after year. Just notice the strange weather around us this winter and spring and even summer-like days in March.

I mean, I remember when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, back in 2nd grade and we didn't have strange weather around us like this year!!! When's recess again?
The United States is the leading contributor to the global-warming crisis, producing one-third of the total greenhouse gases in the world, more than South America, Africa, Asia and Australia combined.

Hmmmm, I wonder if their data is a bit old. I mean, it was in late April that scientist pointed out that China (alone) was going to surpass the US in greenhouse gas emissions this year... and, last I checked, China was part of Asia. Of course, we can't let facts get in the way of our desire to bash the US and its evil capitalist system, with its reliance on freedom of choice.
Please think about what people are doing and what could happen if they do not stop.

Have we ever wondered what life might be like in 50 to 100 years? We might have imagined big robotic cities and flying cars, but I bet we didn't imagine huge cities and tall skyscrapers underwater. Well, that's what life will be if we keep burning fossil fuels without thought.

Don't worry, kids. I think about the fossil fuels each and every time I fill up my 25 gallon tank and push the pedal to the floor, hearing that V8 Hemi roar.

Here are some facts that might help people realize the danger we are facing.

Glaciers are melting at a faster and faster rate and glaciers are a huge source of the world's drinking water. Greenland and the Arctic ice shelf are melting faster each year and will disappear in our lifetime if our fossil fuel usage continues unchecked. That melting will raise the water level of the world's oceans nearly 40 feet. Basically, Manhattan would be underwater.

It seems that the fourth graders have seen Algore's 20 feet and raised him to 40 feet. As has been demonstrated, the 20 foot mark is absolutely ridiculous and predicated on a lot of "if's." I wonder where the fourth graders found the extra 20 feet of water in the oceans worldwide? It's probably because they feel that that is what would happen...
Hopefully, people will understand the danger we are facing. Do Mainers want this to be our future? Although global warming is a huge pending global disaster, we all have the means to change it together.

Because the United States contributes one-third of the carbon dioxide emissions worldwide, here are seven sensible ways to save our seven beautiful continents:
  • Change light bulbs to long lasting fluorescents and save 150pounds of CO per year in every household.
  • Drive less and save 1 pound of CO for every fewer mile.
  • Save 2,400 pounds of CO by recycling plastics and paper.
  • Plant a tree -- it breathes over a ton of helpful gases per lifetime.
  • Turn off any electrical items (TV, games, cell phones, lights, etc.) when not in use to save 1,000 pounds of CO.
  • Be informed -- go to or
  • Stay informed -- Watch Planet Earth (kids) and An Inconvenient Truth (families).
They failed to mention all of the fossil fuels that were used to create their plastic toys - their gameboys, iPods, computers, dolls, etc. I've got an idea. Let's propose to these fourth graders that, in order to stop global warming, we'll confiscate their toys and replace them with a nice, baseball size rock.

And, of course, this wouldn't be a column about Global Warming without paying homage to Algore's idiotic movie.
Is our future already chosen for us? We are all young students, ages 9-11, and cannot change the world like adults can. All the facts we have presented are true, real, and will shape our future unless decisive action is taken.

At least, that's what Algore and Randy Bigelman (our teacher) have told us. And, come on - we're fourth graders, so you know... we're still working hard to get the basics of long division, so don't expect us to do anything other than spit out the information our teacher has provided us regarding such a complex issue as Global Climate Change, which combines science, economics, and sociological problems.
We will be in great danger if we don't get this problem in the minds of all people and curb the unchecked growth of greenhouse gas emissions.

It is our future our nation is playing with, so please change the way people are playing. We encourage everyone to take action and stop global warming.

Well, that was fun. I'm so glad that Algore created a film that would be used to presented as fact in order to indoctrinate our youth to an anti-growth and anti-free market agenda.

*** UPDATE ***
Tim Blair is also covering this article... providing some of the reader comments from the story.

Your Co-Conspirator,
ARC: St Wendeler

Comments (2)
George said...

Don't think they had ample coaching and steering from their teacher do ya?

Monterey John said...

I keep telling you, you need to check out Yosemite Valley, the glaciers are GONE! Vanished! You'll not be seeing them anymore!

I had no idea they had SUVs 20,000 years ago.

Now THAT is something for those 4th graders to chew on, by golly.