ARC's 1st Law: As a "progressive" online discussion grows longer, the probability of a nefarious reference to Karl Rove approaches one

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Experimenting with your sanity...

H/T Corner

Just looking a little ahead of the "news cycle". Enjoy

Local Man Arrested For Setting Fire
Taken to Hospital, Shocking Claims

Dateline: Somewhere, USA

A small fire was set by a local man today. The damage of the fire was limited to some chicken wire, newspaper, a plastic cup, and a slightly singed left sneaker, Reebok brand. The fire was noticed by his neighbors who immediately called 911. After questioning the man and fearing for his own safety, police officers on the scene sent him to the hospital for observation by mental health professionals. Although the physical damage was rather limited, the fire also frightened several bunnies in the nearby garden. The incident was apparently brought about by a psychotic episode suffered by the man.

Reached at the hospital, the man, only willing to be identified by the phrase "spooked911", claims that a series of "experimental" fires were set to demonstrate the complicity of some group or entity he only referred to by the acronym "BFEE" in the events of September 11. On that day 19 Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked 4 planes and flew them into the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and Shanksville, PA. The man, later identified as Cletus Spuckler, claims that his experiments prove "without a doubt that BFEE brought about the events on that day."

The local Sheriff, when asked as to the nature of the experiments and the significance of "BFEE", commented, "We don't know what the heck he's talking about. He kept jumping on this cinder block on top of this chicken wire, saying 'See, See, it can't be hot enough! HALLIBURTON!!!'. We pulled him down and he started stammering about how the BFEE was all around and asking us to prove to him how the towers could have fallen." "It wasn't until he saw the bunnies in his garden," the Sheriff continued, "that we decided it would probably be prudent to take him to see the psych guys here at the hospital. He kept saying that they were agents of Halliburton." It was later revealed that Cletus had used garden fencing, not chicken wire, in his "experiment" which he had acquired from a local hardware store to keep rabbits from "terrorizing" his garden. Officials now believe that this might be the reason that Cletus thought the bunnies were agents of Halliburton.

The in-house psychiatrist at the hospital explained that "BFEE" was a term used by many so called "bloggers" to reference the Bush administration and the Bush family throughout history. "In short, it stands for Bush Family Evil Empire", said the Doctor, "and it's a term they use to identify a sort of wide-ranging conspiracy that effects all things within their lives. It's tied to a new syndrome called BDS, or Bush Derangement Syndrome. Basically, the subject feels that Bush doesn't belong in the White House and constructs elaborate fantasies to rationalize that." The doctor mentioned this is the first time in his professional career that he's seen it associated with destructive actions, such as setting fires. "Usually its just harmless posting on underground leftist websites such as Democratic Underground."

Spooked911 is to remain for an indeterminant time for further observation by a team of psychiatrists.

Your Co-Conspirator,
ARC: Brian