ARC's 1st Law: As a "progressive" online discussion grows longer, the probability of a nefarious reference to Karl Rove approaches one

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Keep Your Hands Off Cold Beer, Nanny State!

From the St Louis Post-Dispatch:

RIMSHOT: Cool it

MISSOURI SEN. Bill Alter, R-High Ridge, wants to ban the sale of cold beer in convenience stores. Any storekeeper who sells a cold one could have his liquor license lifted. Beer-to-go would be kept at 60 degrees or warmer.

Even by the standards of the Missouri Legislature, this is remarkably dumb idea.

Oh, we understand the impulse - save the weak-willed from temptation. Turning a cold-and-frosty into a warm-and-nasty might cut down on drunk driving. And look at all the energy it will save: thousands of convenience stores will raise the thermostats in their coolers from 35 to 60 degrees.

On the other hand, most drunk drivers are already drunk before they get into their vehicles. And if they're really drunk, they won't notice that the beer is warm. For the 99 percent of customers who are responsible consumers, the warm-beer bill is a nanny-state nuisance. What's next? Why not mandate warm low-calorie beer? We'd bring on a healthy shrinking of beer bellies from Cape Girardeau to St. Joseph.

Sen. Alter - Warm Beer Bill to his friends - said the idea came from an 11-year-old constituent. That's who nannies are for.

As a former police officer, I suppose State Sen. Alter has some anecdotal evidence regarding cold beer being an inticement to drive drunk. However, as the P-D points out, this likely won't have an impact on those that are already drunk - or if it does, the only impact will be that they will have coolers in their car.

I would be interested to know the party breakdown on this issue... Could the state Dem party ride this to the November elections, with the rallying cry of "Cold Beer for All!!!"? It's probably more likely that the liberal wing of the Missouri Democratic Party thinks this is just a grand old idea... but it would be interesting to find out.

I'd just be ticked that I'd have to wait that extra hour or so after bringing my beer home before I'd be able to enjoy it while watching the Rams Cards Blues Tigers!!!

Another thought that Alter might consider is the banning of single-can beer sales (the 24 and 36 oz cans). If someone's going to drink a beer while driving, by golly they should have a whole 6-pack (or more!) in the car to make sure they get heavily intoxicated.

Perhaps the most effective way to combat drunk driving is to take a multi-faceted approach. Similar to the Meth ephedrine law here in Missouri, people purchasing beer would have to show ID, log their purchase into a little book that's kept behind the counter, implement a time release opening system for cans of beer that's based on the time it takes for the purchase to travel from the store in which the beer was purchased to their residence (which would be kept on file). Alternatively, a GPS system could be used to only allow beer consumption within 200 feet of someone's home or after the beer has stopped moving for 30 minutes. Finally, Alter could increase spending on police, so that there'd be enough officers to tail each and every beer purchaser in the state to their home, insuring that a can was not opened in transit.

just sayin...

I'm sure Brian J. agrees with me on this position...

Your Co-Conspirator,
ARC: St Wendeler

Comments (4)
Desert Rat said...

They'll get my beer when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!

TrueLiberal said...

Most beers change flavor when allowed to get warm and then re-chilled. This Republican should put down his chablis and meet some real people.

Monterey John said...

Is he Republican or a San Francisco Democrat?

homebrewer2005 said...

An ice chest with water and ice and a lot of salt will chill your 60 degree beer to drinking temperature in 5 minutes, according to a test on MythBusters.

In the crook, er, I mean attention whore, darn, I mean politician truly wanted to cut down on drunk driving, he would also ban the sale of ice and coolers at convenience stores. Oh yeah, and salt.